Jack Handey is my idol.

Here's why Jack Handey is my idol:
"At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be 'Clark Kent, Dentist,' because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, 'How's my back tooth?' and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, 'Oh it's okay,' then the patient would probably say, 'Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?' and you'd say,
'Awe, crap! You, get outta here,' and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill."
--Jack Handey