1. "Toots" are the most wonderfully hilarious thing in the whole world - no exceptions.
2. There is no place bacon can't hide.
3. When a 3-year-old has to go pee-pee, find a bathroom - quickly and at any cost.
4. Cereal with marshmallows trumps pop-tarts any day.
5. If it feels like the heat is on, it's because it is. Your 2-year-old climbed on a chair and turned the thermostat to heat (it's mid-October, people, and 85 degrees outside).
6. Remember going to the bathroom alone? A fond, distant memory.
7. You can buy the greatest toys money can afford, but the table coasters and your makeup mirror reign supreme.
8. 2-year-old poop is in no way cuter, less smelly or smaller in mass than adult poop.
9. In front of the curtain: cute, loveable Elmo. Behind the curtain: Hairy, scary monster that makes the kids cry and refuse to go to sleep.
10. Zack is THE BEST. Period. (I happen to agree with this one)
11. If you take the kids to Chuck E. Cheese the first couple days they live with you - even if it's for your niece's birthday party - they will think going to Chuck E Cheese is a daily activity...and ask you...every day...when you are going back.
12. Applesauce makes everything better.
13. Dimples and a cleft chin will melt your heart like butter on a hot biscuit.
14. You can say "don't drink the bath water" til the cows come home. They will drink it. Just don't think about it.
15. The chocolate chip pancakes will make their way to your white couch.
16. Spiderman bandaides heal all.
17. Gummy vitamins = candy, in their book.
18. Remember that gourd you bought as fall decor for your kitchen table? Where'd that go? Oh, under your 3-year-old's bed... that's right.
19. You thought reading bedtime stories in the different accents and dialects and whatnot was getting you brownie points, right? Turns out they still like Zack better...it's a boys' club, and you'll never get in.
20. Once they've learned to call it their "teeter," you can call it "peepee" all you want... it's still their teeter when it really matters.
