A Walk Down the Aisle

I walked down the soda aisle, trying to decide whether to buy diet or regular. It had become pretty much a daily routine for me, deciding between what I wanted and what I needed. I reached for a cherry Pepsi. I didn't mean to overhear them, but the second I did, it was too late.

"You told me it didn't matter to you, and now you're saying... Just like that?"

I would have mistaken it for a quiet argument between a middle-aged married couple on what brand of wine to buy for dinner had it not been for that unmistakable sound in her voice that gave her away...heartbreak. Before I could reason why, I was frozen, and my heart started pounding.

"I told you we shouldn't talk about this now...let's just grab the wine, take it to them, say our goodbye's, and we'll discuss this when we get home."
"I should have known...I should have known this would happen. How can I face them now? When my own husband..."
"Stop it! This is neither the time nor the--here, I'll grab the wine, you go to the restroom and compose yourself for God's sake." His voice was even less sympathetic than the words he spoke. I dared not flinch for fear I would spook them like a deer in the woods, and perhaps never find out how this tragedy ended.
"Compose myself? Ha! Now there's a summary of our marriage: Compose yourself, look pleasant, don't ruffle any feathers, don't FEEL anything!" Her voice gained confidence and volume.
"Okay, okay...look, I'm leaving...you can't have this discussion by yourself--"
"Why not? I've been having discussions by myself for 20 years...every one but this one...I didn't even attempt it, but it was the one conversation that mattered..." I leaned in hard now, I was in too far to walk away.
"Fine!" he yelled in a whisper, "You want to talk about this is the supermarket? Fine! But I'll tell you one thing, you won't like what I have to say!"

"Can I help you, ma'am?" I jumped, startled awake from the drama unfolding.
"Shhh!" I snapped before realizing.
"Excuse me?" I saw the teenage boy's expression turn from helpful to concerned...concerned he may have to call security.
"No, I...I'm sorry--"
"Why are you whispering?"
"Nothing, I'm fine...I was just trying to think--"
But then he heard it too, the shouted angry whispers of two people on the next aisle. And somehow it was the whispering that made you want to hear all the more.

"It's not the women, and it isn't even about children...it's that... I've just never been enough for you! And now that I've found something that makes me feel like--a human again...that's it?"

"Excuse me, could you tell me where I can find the hummus?"
"Ssshhhhh!" The boy and I snapped in unison.
"Wha...? I'm sorry, I--" But it was too late, the lady in the blue coat was now hearing what we were, and there was no time or need to explain. Toddler in cart, she leaned in with us, drawn by the sound of raw human emotion on the other side of the Sunkist.

"I can't have children...what do you want me to do? It's not possible...there!" His voice broke like a dam that had been under too much pressure for too many years. "Is that what you wanted from me? To take the blame? Okay, it's my fault you don't feel like a human, it's my fault what happened last May, it's my fault I'd rather be with another woman than face you and your eternal...disappointment!"

The lady in the blue coat's baby reached for a mini soda can and craddled it like a baby, unknowingly adding to the theme.

"You're right, this isn't the place for--" the woman softened.
"Oh no, you wanted it, you're gonna get it!"

...And then it happened. With all the force of a NY Yankee, the little girl, who couldn't have been more than 2, hurled that can of soda into the air. In slow motion, and surrounded by looks of horror, that little can was propelled farther than any of us imagined possible.
Up...up...over the aisle...announcing our presence there, and worse... heaping disdain on the brokenhearted couple just a couple of feet away. My immediate reaction was to run...like a teenager who'd just taken a prank too far, but my knees buckled, and a gasp was all I could muster.

"Pop!" The soda hissed and sprayed so high in the air, we could see it above the Perrier on the top shelf.
I thought I heard the woman wimper for a moment, but then I realized the sound coming from the aisle was a soft laughter. And out of nowhere it erupted into a full-out cackle, followed by uproarious, out-of-breath wheezing.
I imagined them looking into each others' eyes while they shared that strange, intimate, solemn but silly moment in the grocery store aisle. I wanted to look, but I didn't. I just gave a half smile to my two fellow evesdroppers, gave the child a nod of approval, and went on my way.

I've imagined many times since that day how the rest of the story played out. I've wondered the details of their story. Did they ever have children? Would their marriage last? Did they even make it to that dinner party? Though I never saw their faces, I imagine they left the supermarket that day with more than just wet clothes and sticky hair...they left with a fresh perspective. Life and relationships are defined as much by the funny, spontaneous moments as by the devastating, heartbreaking ones. And intimacy can be shared anywhere... even in a grocery store aisle, with the whole world listening in.

I wrote this commercial!! =)

Hey everybody...I wanted to share the commercial for All-Star Cheer Squad with everyone who hasn't seen it yet. I wrote the voice-over (the part the female announcer is saying). My first published writing! Yay! I think this commercial's kinda cute. Anyway, I freak out every time it comes on TV...=) Hope you enjoy it!

Me and My Boys

Oh dear, it's been such a long, long time since I've blogged...I barely have time to wash my hair anymore, much less blog about life. But I miss it. I love to write. God has truly blessed me with an amazing job where I get paid to write creatively. The only downside is how hectic it is, and how I have to be away from my boys some days because of it. But I know how truly blessed I am. Zack and I have always had this passionate love for children, and now we get to have 2 of the most beautiful, sweet, hilarious, loving boys in the world. We are amazed at how much we can love two little people we only just met a short while ago. They crack me up every day, and they make me wanna cuss too. They make me feel insecure sometimes, like they don't seem to love me yet the way I love them...and then they look into my eyes at night before they fall asleep and say something like, "I love you, Momma," and my heart melts like butter on a hot biscuit. I will never be able to repay God for this thing He has done, nor would I have even had the audacity to ask for such an extravagant gift...but I will be forever grateful. And every time I hold them, I'm reminded of God's love for me--that He would allow me to parent such amazing little men. I don't deserve this opportunity. Wow, it makes me cry to think about it. Things with us are going well. Zack's still teaching, and we've still got the business, though it's been so slow lately...(but that's going to change soon!) I'm writing scripts/creating storylines for video games. Like I said, things are really hectic right now...in fact, I'm supposed to be working on something right now that's due tonight, but alas, I procrastinate... Our apartment is really cramped now that we have the boys, and hopefully we can buy a house once our lease is up in August. We are currently taking adoption classes every week, and are starting a Dave Ramsey course at church next week to try to get out of debt. I am going to start teaching tots church once a month starting this month. Zack just finished coaching cross country and is trying to decide whether or not to coach track. We are busy, busy, busy, and are trying to figure out how to remedy that. Well, I can definitely see this turning into an Allen and Kaden blog, where I only post pictures and write stories about them, but I'm sure you won't mind...mainly b/c I doubt there are very many people reading this other than my immediate family...=) I'll end with some video of the boys, incase some of you haven't seen them. I'll try to keep this blog as current as I can on the adoption process, our job situations and house hunting. I am looking forward to a blessed year in 2009! Thanks for reading! =D

Partial-Birth Abortion Video--Please Watch!

I know I haven't blogged in a while...well, I have 2 little boys now and a job that's gotten pretty crazy, so... Anyway, try as I may, I can't turn my heart from this issue of abortion, especially with our newly-elected president being pro-abortion. Please watch this video. It made me cry, and feel nauseous, but it's so very clear: you can argue with words all you want. No one could watch this and not see the truth of what's happening. Please don't stop praying! I know I've felt discouraged since the election, but I believe there is still a remnant. Let's continue to pray for the ending of abortion and for the heart of our president to be changed.

Things I learned my first week as a parent...

Today marks one week since Allen and Kaden came to live with us. This blog documents some of the things I've learned my first week as a parent.


1. "Toots" are the most wonderfully hilarious thing in the whole world - no exceptions.

2. There is no place bacon can't hide.

3. When a 3-year-old has to go pee-pee, find a bathroom - quickly and at any cost.

4. Cereal with marshmallows trumps pop-tarts any day.

5. If it feels like the heat is on, it's because it is. Your 2-year-old climbed on a chair and turned the thermostat to heat (it's mid-October, people, and 85 degrees outside).

6. Remember going to the bathroom alone? A fond, distant memory.

7. You can buy the greatest toys money can afford, but the table coasters and your makeup mirror reign supreme.

8. 2-year-old poop is in no way cuter, less smelly or smaller in mass than adult poop.

9. In front of the curtain: cute, loveable Elmo. Behind the curtain: Hairy, scary monster that makes the kids cry and refuse to go to sleep.

10. Zack is THE BEST. Period. (I happen to agree with this one)

11. If you take the kids to Chuck E. Cheese the first couple days they live with you - even if it's for your niece's birthday party - they will think going to Chuck E Cheese is a daily activity...and ask you...every day...when you are going back.

12. Applesauce makes everything better.

13. Dimples and a cleft chin will melt your heart like butter on a hot biscuit.

14. You can say "don't drink the bath water" til the cows come home. They will drink it. Just don't think about it.

15. The chocolate chip pancakes will make their way to your white couch.

16. Spiderman bandaides heal all.

17. Gummy vitamins = candy, in their book.

18. Remember that gourd you bought as fall decor for your kitchen table? Where'd that go? Oh, under your 3-year-old's bed... that's right.

19. You thought reading bedtime stories in the different accents and dialects and whatnot was getting you brownie points, right? Turns out they still like Zack better...it's a boys' club, and you'll never get in.

20. Once they've learned to call it their "teeter," you can call it "peepee" all you want... it's still their teeter when it really matters.

All at once...

I have come to realize something about my life in recent days: nothing ever happens that it doesn't happen all at once. This is a strange concept, but one I am more and more convinced of with each passing second. When I worked in the mall at a store called Bombay, it was eerie how this theory would play out regularly: absolutely no one would come into the store, but when they did, without fail, they came in hords. Everyone working there knew it to be true, but no one understood why...mind boggling. And while this life concept suits my all-or-nothing personality just fine, I have recently entered the theory into my "I don't have a friggin clue why, but it's true" belief system. Why recently? Thanks for asking, I'll tell you why. Since Zack and I moved from Spring Hill with thoughts of becoming missionaries or buying a house and having lots of babies or even just finding jobs, we went through a season of, well...nothing. It took months for Zack to find a job, the missionary option didn't seem to be panning out, and we lived with my parents for almost 8 months. I couldn't find a full-time job, we wanted kids but it didn't seem feasible, we needed a new car but couldn't afford it (we only have one), I was wondering what kind of writing job I could get with my journalism degree without actually having to report...none of our dreams--no, nothing at all seemed to be happening. It was a waiting season. We were at a stand-still, looking at God, going "We're ready when You are!" Then, all at once it seemed, and just at the time it looked the least like God was going to move...BAM! Zack gets a permanent teaching position, we move into a new place, I get a writing job that allows me to work from home and still work on the business from home, we fall into the process leading up to adopting 2 little boys, we are now looking into making an offer on a house, and this week we were looking at buying a new car! I am seriously overwhelmed by the whole sense of newness my life has taken on--grateful for all the positive changes and still having to lean on God, just like I was in the waiting season, because I can't possibly handle the madness of all the new things without His grace and guidance. It's just crazy, though, how it all came at once, after such a long period of nothingness. The only thing missing now is for me to get pregnant and us to buy a dog (the first of which hasn't happened, by the way, and the second never will).

An arm of flesh vs God of the Angel Armies...

There have been some bad reports lately. This morning I started to open my Bible and pray, and the Lord had me open to these verses in 2 Chronicles 32:

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged because of the king of Assyria and the vast army with him, for there is a greater power with us than with him. 8 With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is the Lord our God to help us and to fight our battles." And the people gained confidence from what Hezekiah the king of Judah said.
9 Later, when Sennacherib king of Assyria and all his forces were laying siege to Lachish, he sent his officers to Jerusalem with this message for Hezekiah king of Judah and for all the people of Judah who were there: 10 "This is what Sennacherib king of Assyria says: On what are you basing your confidence, that you remain in Jerusalem under siege? 11 When Hezekiah says, 'The Lord our God will save us from the hand of the king of Assyria,' he is misleading you, to let you die of hunger and thirst. 12 Did not Hezekiah himself remove this god's high places and altars, saying to Judah and Jerusalem, 'You must worship before one altar and burn sacrifices on it'? 13 "Do you not know what I and my fathers have done to all the peoples of the other lands? Were the gods of those nations ever able to deliver their land from my hand? 14 Who of all the gods of these nations that my fathers destroyed has been able to save his people from me? How then can your god deliver you from my hand? 15 Now do not let Hezekiah deceive you and mislead you like this. Do not believe him, for no god of any nation or kingdom has been able to deliver his people from my hand or the hand of my fathers. How much less will your god deliver you from my hand!" 16 Sennacherib's officers spoke further against the Lord God and against his servant Hezekiah. 17 The king also wrote letters insulting the Lord, the God of Israel, and saying this against him: "Just as the gods of the peoples of the other lands did not rescue their people from my hand, so the god of Hezekiah will not rescue his people from my hand." 18 Then they called out in Hebrew to the people of Jerusalem who were on the wall, to terrify them and make them afraid in order to capture the city. 19 They spoke about the God of Jerusalem as they did about the gods of the other peoples of the world--the work of men's hands. 20 King Hezekiah and the prophet Isaiah son of Amoz cried out in prayer to heaven about this. 21 And the Lord sent an angel, who annihilated all the fighting men and the leaders and officers in the camp of the Assyrian king. So he withdrew to his own land in disgrace. And when he went into the temple of his god, some of his sons cut him down with the sword. 22 So the Lord saved Hezekiah and the people of Jerusalem from the hand of Sennacherib king of Assyria and from the hand of all others. He took care of them on every side. 23 Many brought offerings to Jerusalem for the Lord and valuable gifts for Hezekiah king of Judah. From then on he was highly regarded by all the nations.

I was absolutely overwhelmed that the Lord spoke such a poignant word to me (not sure why, He always does). God has given Zack and I something to stand on and to hope in. He, not we, orchestrated this whole situation. Now the enemy wants to strike fear into our hearts by sending us bad reports, telling us that our God cannot save us. We will not be moved. God sent 1 angel and defeated the enemy's whole army. He is more than able to conquer the enemy in this situation. The enemy fights with an arm of flesh, but we with the God of the angel armies. We will stand firm on His promises to us, and listen to His Word, and not the evil reports that have no merit. We will not allow him to terrify us or make us afraid. When the enemy asks "On what are you basing your confidence?" We will answer "The Lord our God, who is mighty to save! He fights our battles for us!"

Sarah Palin / Hillary Clinton SNL spoof...

Okay, so I had decided that videos look ugly on my blog and I was going to take a break from posting them...until I saw this SNL video and cracked up laughing. I am a big Sarah Palin fan, but this impersonation was spot-on!

New Developements...

New Job: Yup, it's true. I just got hired for my first official writing job, and to say I am excited would be a gross understatement. I am helping to write scripts for Wii and DS video games. After my first day when I came home with a DS and a few video games that I'm supposed to "research" as part of the job, my husband pretty much turned green with jealousy. It's sort-of funny that I'm one of the least interested people when it comes to video games...but I am interested in getting paid to write in a creative venue, and it's super fun so far. I just pitched some ideas to my boss for the All Star Cheer Squad sequal (the first one doesn't even come out until October, featuring yours truly as the voices of a couple characters=) We'll see what the boss thinks. I get to work from home, which is going to work out great with my second new developement:

New Family members: No, I'm not pregnant, but we are going to be expanding our family. Kaden and Allen are 2 and 4 (next month), and are currently staying with my cousins Natalie and Aaron. They were removed from their family for reasons too sad and lengthy to name here, but the good news is that they are most likely going to be moving in with us until the trial, at which point we find out if we'll be able to adopt them. We went to be fingerprinted and visit them this weekend. We took them to the beach and had such a fun time. They are the sweetest, cutest little angels in the world! We are both quite smitten, and left them Saturday with tears in our eyes. I'll post some pics here. Everyone please pray for God to protect these boys, and that justice would be done at the upcoming trial.

New Office Season 4 on DVD: What more can I say? There will SO be yet another office marathon, and I can guarantee there will be chocolate chip pancakes involved again. Michael's bizarre office conduct, Shrutisms, Jim and Pam as a couple, and , of course, their arch-nemesis, Ryan? What more could I ask for? It's just such a beautiful thing...I'm tearing up again.

New Apartment: Here are some pics from the balcony of our new apartment. Now you'll see why I call it the treehouse. Enjoy!

Water Logged

So...Tuesday I babysat the daughter of some friends. Their nanny was sick, and I was their only hope. They dropped her off at 6:45am, so it was a good thing she took a 2 1/2-hr nap, because I snoozed right along with her. She's 2 and oh-so-cute. Later in the afternoon, my sister Meghan came over and brought a bathing suit of my niece's for the little girl to wear, and we all went swimming at the apartment complex we just moved to (pictures to follow...as soon as we finally get the last room completed!)

Things had gone well that day...almost too well. We swam for a while and were about to leave when the little girl ran over to the steps of the pool again and got in. She can't swim and didn't have water wings. We were leaving, so we told her not to get in, but...2-year-olds will be 2-year-olds, so she got in anyway. I walked over to help her out when she tumbled down into the water. I was right beside her, so I reached in to grab her arm, but I couldn't get ahold of it for a second, and Meghan panicked and yelled "Get her!" So, phone in hand and Vera Bradley purse on shoulder, I jumped in and grabbed her out. When I pulled her up (it had been a total of about 4 seconds, so don't worry), she was smiling and just said "Sorry!"...Sorry...as if she could see my Chocolate phone sinking beneath the water...sorry...as if watching the chlorine water stealing the color from my new Java Blue tote. I also skinned my knee pretty badly on the steps when I heaved my body in. I emerged from the pool fully clothed, dripping wet, bleeding, and getting a blank white screen from my non-responsive cell phone. I was not a happy camper. Could have been much worse...or a whole lot better. I'm hoping her parents don't read this, because I didn't happen to mention it to them when they picked her up later.

I am happy to report, however, that the water has officially evaporated from my cell phone and it is almost completely functional again. My knee is looking less like that of an 8-year-old's, and my Vera looks fine.

To the parents of that little girl: I reserve the right to create fictional stories portrayed as reality for my blog. To all other readers: This is a not one of those times.