Silent Siege

On Saturday, Zack, Meghan, Rebekah and I did a Silent Siege in Clearwater.
Total honks and waves received: 15-20.
Total obscene gestures received: 2.
Total success.

We stood with life tape on our mouths in front of the abortion clinic, praying and crying out to God on behalf of the babies who have no voice and the mothers who've been deceived into thinking they have no choice.

"Jesus, I plead your blood over my sins and the sins of my nation. God, end abortion, and bring revival to America."


Let me know if you're interested in participating in our next Silent Siege.

Date Night from Hell

Zack decided to take me out on a date tonight. He's been talking about it for a couple of days now. He has this thing about date night-- he feels the need to leave the house, drive back, ring the doorbell, and give me flowers when I answer the door.Then we do this awkward thing where we really pretend like we're on a first date...until it creeps me out and I tell us to stop. And tonight was no exception. We got ready and drove to Arigato's in Clearwater for dinner. It was fun and the food there is really good (although for $20+ per plate, I always think they should throw in a movie, or at least some extra rice). Afterwards we had decided we would go to the Melting Pot for dessert, but since we were still pretty full from dinner, we wanted to kill some time. None of the movies playing looked any good (why the heck is EVERYTHING rated R these days anyway?).

To give a little background, we had spent the day taking the Jetta (which we have come to quite literally loathe) to the mechanic once again, and once again being told that we will have to take it into the dealership where they will inevitably take 2 days longer to fix it than they say they will, charge us 17x's the actual cost to fix the car, then be totally and completely rude to us, all because they sold us a lemon, they know they sold us a lemon, and there's absolutely nothing anybody can do about it!!!!(...sorry, there's baggage there. Last total cost to fix the SPEEDOMETER: $1600. No, I'm not kidding, and, yes, I did get 2 tickets in the same week before we realized we had no other choice--true story).

Anyway, we had spent the afternoon discussing our hatred for the German vehicle, that our next car will have to be a Toyota or a Honda, and possible options on how to get rid of it. So, after dinner, Zack casually says, to kill time, we should go look at cars. Sounds fun to me. But... wow--you need more background. Okay, it should just suffice to say that Zack has a specific hatred for salespeople. No, I mean, he HATES being pressured to buy things. I remember 3 years ago when he bought the Jetta (this was before we were married). He got so mad at the salesman that I remember thinking "He isn't violent, is he? " I had never seen that side of Zack before. So, as we pull into the Toyota dealership, just as the salesmen start rushing to our car, Zack says maybe this is a bad idea. I tell him not to worry and that I'll do all the talking. We are just LOOKING. We stressed this to Kevin--the concept that we were just LOOKING. We weren't going to buy a car tonight, and he seemed to understand at first. We really liked the Toyota Matrix. Kevin asked if we wanted to test drive it. It started to rain. I said yes. We take it for a little spin. It's cute, and it drives good, and it has a LIFETIME warranty. Sounds good. Still, Kevin, remember? We aren't going to make any decisions tonight. He seems to understand. So, he starts asking financial information--just so he can give us some information to take home with us. No pressure, just paperwork. I feel my stomach start to rumble and I know I'm going to have to go to the bathroom. But I can't leave Zack all alone with Kevin. Kevin is a salesman, and up to this point, I'm sure he's picked out Zack as the weak one being that I've been the ONLY one to say a word thus far in the evening. He'll turn on Zack. And Zack may kill him. My stomach really starts to hurt now, and I know I'm going to have to make for the bathroom.

"I need to use the restroom." Zack looks at me with horror. When I return, Zack is almost finished with the paperwork, and his foot is tapping rapidly.

"Is everything Okay?" I ask. He doesn't answer, and Kevin comes back to the table with a folder. And, then, all at once, it happens. Before my very eyes, Kevin morphs into this creature--a creature who feeds on car sales and hasn't eaten in days. I can hear Zack's foot tapping faster, and I know we need to leave before things get ugly.

"No," I say politely, smiling, "we can't make a decision tonight. We don't even have any money to put down tonight." Kevin isn't looking at me anymore, though. He's staring straight at Zack.

"So, how much could you put down?" Zack's foot is tapping faster.

"We just can't make any major decisions tonight," I try again.

"So, zero?" Kevin asks Zack as if I'm not talking. At that point, everything gets kinda hazy. I remember Zack shouting, I remember him standing up and pointing his finger in Kevin's face, I remember him yelling "We told you from the beginning we couldn't buy a car tonight and you said you wouldn't pressure us and now you're changing your tune!" I remember everyone in the dealership looking at us, I remember the manager coming over and asking if everything was all right and trying to calm Zack down, and I remember Kevin leaving the table and walking away. But it was about that time that the manager starts haggling with us, asking what he can do to get us in the car tonight, and I have to literally push Zack out the door apologizing as we leave.

Few words were spoken on the way home. Only the ones where I told Zack to forget the Melting Pot. We drove 45 minutes home without saying a word. We didn't stay mad. But date night was officially a bust.

It's Great to be a Florida Gator!

A few weeks ago, Zack and I took the youth group to Night of Joy at Disney World. We got home around 3:30 am. And, since Zack has this insane ability to go days without sleep, and because I have this insane inability to say no to his crazy ideas, we got up the next day and headed to Gainesville with Omar, hoping to score some cheap tickets to the Gator game. The scalpers made us wait until about half way through the first quarter and after the gators had already scored before they would come down to a semi-reasonable price for 3 tickets (not even together!). It was my first time in the Swamp, and it was the most fun I've had in a long time. To say we had to look down on the nosebleed section would be an understatement, but we inched our way down closer to the field as people began to leave what turned out to be a pretty uneventful game. By the last five minutes, we were close enough to hear the cheerleaders and see Urban Meyer without binoculars. The Gators won, of course, though I was too busy taking pictures and texting everyone to tell them we got into the game to pay much attention to the game itself. Zack was seriously like a kid on Christmas morning. It's great to be a Florida Gator!

Running marathon:26 miles........................... Office marathon: 22 episodes

In honor of the new season of the Office beginning this Thursday, Zack, Meghan, Rebekah and I finished off our Office season 3 marathon this weekend--and boy was it a marathon! 16 episodes (some hour-long) in 24 hours. It was super fun and amazing. They came over late Saturday night, and we ate left-over lasagna and watched until about 1 am. Then we got up about 11 the next morning, made a big breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, chocolate chip pancakes and coffee and continued on our Office journey. We watched until our butts ached and our necks were stiff. We took breaks for showers and dinner, and we paused when we had to use the bathroom, but we persevered. We laughed until our heads hurt. We would rewind when Jim mumbled. We cried when Pam got her heart broken. And we finished season 3! I cannot wait until Thursday!! Wow, my life sounds small and sad. And I don't even care! I'm so excited!

The Mean Time

I haven't blogged about my life at present in a while because there is so much going on that I can't really talk about and also because Zack and I seem to be stuck in limbo right now. Lots of decisions to be made, a lot to think about. And we are thinkers. I don't mean we're smart (that goes w/out saying), but we have to think and discuss and hash over every minute decision we make until we ultimately drive ourselves crazy with it. We don't want to make the wrong decision, we don't want to be out of God's will, we don't want to be impetuous, we're scared. For whatever reason, we always like to take our time, work things through, and wait. And I don't think it's a bad thing necessarily, but lately it's starting to kill me. Lately I'm starting to think that sometimes faith is just stepping out and saying "I don't know, but I'll try." Dr. Mark Rutland preaches a sermon about when God told him to "Go to Ghana." He (God) didn't say how, He didn't say when, He just said Go. Dr. Rutland didn't even know what he would do once he got there--he had no contacts in Ghana. But God told him to go, and he just went, And God provided for Him every step of the way. That sounds so crazy in this day and age of technology--everything can be organized, planned, detailed, confirmed, all with minimal effort and leaving no room for the uncertain and unplanned. And often leaving no room for God to just be in control and for us to just depend on Him. And why should we? We can handle things ourselves.

Zack and I were recently hit hard with the news of a friend's death. He had cancer, but we had been praying and fasting for him for a while. His cancer had gone into remission. Things were looking good for him. The chemotherapy had weakened his body's defenses, and when an infection set into his lungs, he wasn't able to fight it. We are devastated. And as I get ready to attend his viewing this evening and funeral tomorrow, I'm struck by the realization that any thoughts of control over our own lives are not only arrogant but naive. We only control what God allows us to. The rest is in His hands. As a bit of a control freak myself, that's a realization that's both terrifying and freeing. I'm not responsible for Tim's death. I prayed, I fasted, I quoted scripture, I did everything I knew how to do, and in the end, God did what He wanted to do anyway. I've always fought the urge to think But, I could've done more... The truth is that I don't want that kind of responsibility. At some point, God has to see my humanness and do His will in spite of my best efforts.

I want God to do His will in my life. Maybe this blog is more of a prayer than anything else. God, do what You want to do in my life, and don't let me get in the way with my selfish plans. Only, do it quickly, do it now. I'm growing weary of the meantime.

Huckabee evangelizes on CNN

I'm sure many of you have seen this already, but I just watched it for the first time and was absolutely blown away by it. I have been a staunch Brownback advocate since The Call Nashville, but I may be swayed toward Huckabee after this answer to what he believes about creation.

More Stories from Adolescence

As middle-schoolers went, I was not the most well-endowed. In fact, I was built like an 8-year old boy. In the seventh grade I had been asked to go to the Homecoming Banquet by an older boy, and, since I wouldn't have been old enough to go otherwise, my mother let me go under the condition that I wear my older sister's Homecoming dress from a few years prior. The dress required that I get a strapless bra, and the only one we could find to fit me was extremely padded. I persuaded my mom to let me get it. The bra had detachable straps, so I of course wore it to school every day once Homecoming was over.

One morning, I was sitting in Mrs. Yeager's math class taking a test when I felt something snap. I looked around to see if someone had hit me with something, but when everyone looked as if they were concentrating on the math test, I went back to work. Mrs. Yeager was walking up and down the aisles as we quietly worked. Then, to my horror, she stopped, picked something up off the floor, held it up in the air and announced "Who's is this?" It was my bra strap! The elastic strap had shot across the classroom! I ran over to her, snatched it from her hand, threw it in my backpack, and died the humiliating death of a flat-chested seventh grader.

Memories from Adolescence

In third grade, Freddie Denham told us he'd had sex. We all believed him, of course, for several reasons: 1. We didn't know what sex was 2. Freddie was the oldest kid in class, and seemed as worldly as any 3. He was one of my best friends, and I assumed he wouldn't lie to me, especially about something so serious. When asked by one of his fellow classmates "how" he'd "had" it, he responded with a story that goes a little something like this:

"I found a condom on the ground at the park that was full of rainwater. I picked it up, slung it around, and some of the water got on me."

That sealed it. Who could dispute it? I didn't know what a condom was, so I certainly wasn't going to. It seemed Freddie really had had "sex". And we all just went on thinking it was true, until Danielle Wingo caught wind of the story and told Mrs. Platt, our teacher.

Mrs. Platt spoke with him privately about the whole thing, and assured those of us that knew the story that he had lied to us, and that we shouldn't be talking about things like that anyway. Freddie came back to the classroom crying, and we all knew at once it had been a scam.

Even so, up until high school I believed what Freddie had told me about not holding your eyelids open really wide and bending over because your eyeballs would literally fall out of your head.

If I had my way (this blog contains a spoiler for the movie "Becoming Jane")

If you don't want to hear the ending of "Becoming Jane," please read no further.

I can't believe I'm the only one in this category: those who loath a sad ending. I always have. The movie could be brilliantly acted, written, directed, whatever, but if I leave the movie theater depressed, it's over. I'm ticked. When I go to the movies, I not only expect to be entertained, but in so doing, I expect to be uplifted, made to feel good, or at least hopeful. I've heard people say things like, "Yes, but they did the noble thing in the end," or "They would never have been happy with themselves in the end if they stayed together," etc. Bologna! It's fiction, people! If I want to, I'll pretend they're happy in my head long after the credits role. No, I did not stand up and cheer at the end of Braveheart. So, he gave his life for his country? Big woop! He got his intestines pulled out at the end too! In fact, I couldn't really even get into the movie at all after his wife got her throat cut at the beginning. So, Meryl Streep did the right thing by staying with her husband in The Bridges of Madison County? Listen, I'm a Christian, and even I hated that ending! So, she's destined to live a life with a man she doesn't love? I'm not advocating adultery here, but just don't even make a movie about two people falling in love if they can never be together! It's disturbing to me that people actually enjoy watching movies like this. Movies like Message in a Bottle, My Best Friend's Wedding, Somersby, City of Angels, Kramer verses Kramer, Casa Blanca, Legends of the Fall, and the list goes on and on. Even in Grease I had to pretend Danny Zuko turned into a goody-goody in the end instead of the other way around--but at least they got to ride off into the clouds together at the end! And what about a little movie I like to call Gone with the Wind? Hmmm? I mean, what the hec?! We spend the entire movie wanting Scarlet to fall for Rett, and when she finally does, he leaves her? Are you joking? And then I'm supposed to be comforted by "tomorrow is another day"?! I don't think so! And don't even get me started on Romeo and Juliet, or, worse in my opinion, Shakespeare in Love! Geez! Rewrite Shakespeare's life or don't write the bloody story! (now I'm in England) Do you know what I mean? But, my latest disappointment was Becoming Jane. Sad. Annoyingly sad. Hey, let's make a movie about a woman who falls in love and can't marry the man, so she never gets married her whole life! It'll be a hit! Meanwhile, the man she loves gets married and names his daughter after her? What? And I'm supposed to feel better because Miss Austin writes a few memorable novels afterward? I cried so hard at that movie, I could barely control my sobs as I left the theater. It's torture watching a movie like that--especially one based on a true story. It's like Titanic--you leave the theater sad, but you say "At least it's just a movie--no, wait..." Can we say Depressing? Anyway, if I had my way, all the endings would turn out happy. I guess that would make all my movies predictable, but at least you wouldn't leave the theater craving hard liquor.

Summer of Romance

This has been the most amazing summer I've ever experienced. Sadly, I won't be able to put into words all the things God has done in me and is still doing. I think I last blogged about Consumed and some of the supernatural things that took place there. I saw the face of Jesus in a vision. I looked into His face and He looked at me with fierce longing and desire, and I will never be the same. In an instant I felt loved like I have never been before, and that love ignites love in me like I've never felt before.

The next week I went on vacation with my family. One night we listened to the CD of a prophet named Dutch Sheets regarding The Call which was going to take place in Nashville on 7/7/07. We cried and had our own little prayer meeting and I've since seen fruit of things that were broken and shifted that night.

Zack and I decided we would go to Nashville on July 7th, and we brought 11 other people with us. That weekend has stirred something in me that's hard to put into words. We re-covenanted with God for being unfaithful to Him. We remarried Him. The entire day was devoted to prayer, repentance, fasting, and romance. Romance? Yah. But it was the sweetest, most intimate thing. Here are some lyrics to one of the songs we sang that day taken from Song of Solomon: "No longer your master, but your husband I will be. You have ravished my heart with one glimpse of your eyes. How fair is your love, my promised, my bride." Those words make my heart melt in the cheesiest middle-schooler way. It was at The Call that I got a burden for abortion like I've never had before. Zack, Meghan and I stood in front of an abortion clinic a week later with life tape on our mouths as a silent cry for the unborn who have no voice.

The following week we left for El Salvador on a missions trip where almost 1,100 people gave their hearts to Christ. We've had some amazing youth services over the past few months too. God is really pouring out His Spirit. He keeps speaking things to me and stirring things in my heart.

I've recently picked up a book again that I hadn't finished reading called "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldridge. This book is amazing. It's so funny to me how God works. He's been reiterating certain verses and messages over and over again this summer to us and to Christians everywhere. For instance, things I prophesied at Consumed were spoken again and again at The Call and again on the mission trip and now I'm reading them in a whole new light in this book. I realize what God's been trying to do to me this summer. He's been romancing me.

Read this exerpt from the book: "Every song you love, every memory you cherish, every moment that has moved you to holy tears has been given to you from the One who has been pursuing you from your first beath in order to win your heart. God's version of flowers and chocolates and candlelight dinners comes in the form of sunsets and falling stars, moonlight on lakes and cricket symphonies; warm wind, swaying trees, lush gardens and fierce devotion. This romancing is immensely personal. It will be as if it has been scripted for your heart. He knows what takes your breath away, what makes your heart beat faster.We have missed many of His notes simply because we shut our hearts down in order to endure the pain of life." Wow. God has been wooing me since I was a little girl, and now, at 26, I'm just beginning to see it.