The rantings of a sleep-deprived white woman

When will this torment be over?? School, that is. I feel like I've been in school my whole life...wait, I almost have. I just finished taking 3 tests in my online Jazz class. I love Jazz, though, so at least it's interesting. What I really like is the Big Band/Swing Era--reverse that order for accurate chronology. I have always wished I'd been born in the 20's or 30's. I love that era. I would have loved to swing dance all night, curl my hair in that 20's style and wear twirly skirts. I love movies set in that era with all the gangsters and swingers and war heroes. I'm sure I'm romanticizing it all, but it sounds so adventurous and fun. I wonder if that time had a different "feel" to it than we have today. No, I guess people just went about their lives in the same way we do--taking things for granted or getting caught up in the menial. I want to start making an effort to live my life like that--like no one will ever get to live in the early 2000's after our generation passes. And one day, people will say, "Wouldn't it be cool to live in that time? When people had to type on computers, or liked to listen to screamo music or during the time when the twin towers fell?" Maybe they won't say that. But maybe they will. I've been thinking a lot lately about how it will all end (and not just b/c school is making me want to kill myself either). I don't want to take things for granted. It's such a cliche, but I really do want to live my life, not looking back or ahead, but just appreciating the now. It will never be here again. I can't ever get it back. And more and more, I realize that that doesn't mean "living life to the fullest" in the way the world would say, by having fun or making myself happy. It means that life is fleating. Why even bother living for myself when it will all be gone in an instant? Whoa. How did I get here? Din't I start out talking about hating school? Do you see where sleep deprivation will eventually lead? To the end of all things, that's where.

Jack Handey is my idol.

Here's why Jack Handey is my idol:
"At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be 'Clark Kent, Dentist,' because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, 'How's my back tooth?' and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, 'Oh it's okay,' then the patient would probably say, 'Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?' and you'd say,
'Awe, crap! You, get outta here,' and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill."
--Jack Handey

Melanomagoodness

Man, I feel so melancholy lately. Where do you suppose that word came from? Melancholy. Does it perhaps mean melon-like? Man, I feel so melon-like lately. I'm sweet and soft, but all people ever want to do is squeeze me, sniff me and throw me back with all the other melons. That, or they take me home, cut me up and chew me with their sharp teeth. Why don't people understand that melons can do things, they can feel things. Well, not real melons. But I can.

Unda da Sea

Man, I am getting no love on this blog. It's okay, though, cuz it's becoming like my own little secret stash o goodies. I have this recurring dream that I can breathe under water. I used to wish I could live under water. It seems so pretty and pieceful and romantic under there. Movies like Splash and The Little Mermaid probably sparked that desire in me. I love at the end of Splash when Tom Hanks goes under water with Darrell Hannah. Looking back, I'm not too sure those two could ever make it, though. Wait... I just thought of something. The Little Mermaid and Splash have similar and opposite endings: Ariel follows her true love to land, and Tom Hanks follows his Mermaid to the sea, where he will forever live on her breath supply. Coincidence? I think not. Water also has a creepy denotation. Especially when it's dark, or when your feet are dangling in the water and you never know if something could be lurking beneath the surface, ready to bite your legs off. How's that for DEEP thoughts?

This Here's Turtle Country!

Man, there's a lot of turtles in Spring Hill.

Hallowierd

It's October. Halloween month. Lot's of spooky stuff going on. A lot of scary movies coming out in the theaters. Can I just tell you a secret? I don't like to be scared! And I am forever trying to figure out people who do. What the heck?! A few minutes ago I opened a perfectly innocent-looking email from a friend about trying to find the differences in the two pictures. So, here I sit, concentrating on these pictures, trying to find the differences in the two scenes, when all of a sudden this demon-looking creature with fangs and blood all over its face pops onto my screen screaming with this half-lion, half-ringwraith sound. Immediately I hide my face and try to block out the sounds, but I'm absolutley horrified. Like, shaking and a little weapy feeling. I have a slightly sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, even sitting here now. Could someone please tell me what is fun about that? I just don't see it. I don't ride roller coasters because I don't like that feeling that I'm going to die. I don't think scary movies are entertaining, and I don't go to haunted houses. Could someone please help me understand this phenomena? If you have any thoughts, comment me.

Thermonex is the Spice of Life

I'm feeling melancholy today. Lot's of things on my mind. I got "told off" via myspace by a girl I haven't seen or heard from since middle school for offending her friend by deleting her as my myspace friend. Now I'm having this sick feeling in my stomach because I can't remember if I'm in one of those dreams where I'm in high school again. At least in this one, I'm not running around naked and trying to act like I'm not. I'm just at home alone today, so it doesn't really matter what I'm wearing...or not wearing=)

Man, what a day. I was awakened by a knock on my door, and, thinking it was the UPS man delivering The Office- Season 1 I ordered online, I rushed to the door. There was a package on my doorstep, but not the one I was hoping for. It was some music stuff Zack had ordered from Sam Ash. Yay. I couldn't go back to sleep then, but the last thing I had dreamed about before I woke up had been eating chocolate chip brownies, so I decided to make some. I did. But as I was waiting for them to finish baking, I started watching a healthy cooking show on the Food Network, and felt so guilty that I couldn't enjoy them. I have homework I could be doing, but I don't want to. I should clean my kitchen, but that doesn't sound so fun either. I'm tired of school, but I don't know what I'll do when I graduate. I feel in dire need of some change. I'm getting antsy.

Yesterday I took a diet pill before I left for school, and all throughout class, I felt like my skin was crawling and I couldn't sit still. Driving home from class, I was feeling really motivated about my life, thinking I really did want to be a photojournalist for a newspaper or magazine. I was going to conquer the world! Then I went and ate lunch with my dad. He was having a really bad day at work, and was feeling blue. I, on the other hand, energized by my plan to become a successful professional (and possibly by the Thermonex, which was now making my armpits sweat like a man's), hatched a big plan to change both my dad's life and mine forever. Now, I know you want to know what it is, but I can't tell you yet. All I can say is it's huge. I even typed up a detailed plan on how we could accomplish our mission, and drove all the way to Oldsmar last night to discuss it with him.

But today I've crashed from my diet pill buzz. I'm looking at my life, wondering if I really will find whatever it is I love to do and do it. Will I experience the change I crave? Will I have adventure? I wonder if the plan I schemed with my dad that would change the course of our lives will ever come to fruition...I hope so. Should I just leave it in God's hands? I know I should.

I'm going to take another diet pill.